There’s a human truth that applies equally in care, leadership, relationships, and everyday life:
People rarely react because they’re difficult.
They react because they’re protecting something.
This hit me again this week reading a brilliant post on leadership.
The author wrote that compassionate leadership isn’t tested when things are going well —
it’s tested the moment someone challenges you, doubts you, or tells you, “You don’t know what you’re doing.”
And I realised…
This is exactly what we see in dementia care every single day.
When someone living with dementia suddenly resists, becomes emotional, refuses support, or reacts with frustration, the instinct is often to redirect — to move them past the behaviour as quickly as possible.
But underneath that moment is a very real human experience:
🔹 They’re protecting their dignity
🔹 Their autonomy
🔹 Their identity
🔹 Their sense of safety
🔹 Their last remaining patterns and routines
The behaviour isn’t the problem —
it’s the expression of a deeper need.
And the exact same thing happens with all of us.
When a leader is challenged…
When someone feels unheard…
When their work, values, or stability feel threatened…
When they don’t feel safe…
They protect themselves.
Sometimes quietly, sometimes loudly.
Just like the people we care for.
The overlap is striking.
In leadership, the shift happens when you stop reacting and instead ask:
“What is this person trying to protect right now?”
In dementia care, that question changes everything too.
Behaviour becomes communication.
Frustration becomes fear.
Resistance becomes dignity.
Withdrawal becomes overwhelm.
Anger becomes loss of control.
The moment you understand the why, your response changes —
and so does the person’s world.
Whether we’re leading a team or caring for someone living with dementia, the principle is the same:
People thrive when they feel safe.
People cooperate when they feel understood.
People soften when they feel respected.
Compassion isn’t tested during calm moments.
It’s tested when things feel messy, uncertain, or uncomfortable.
And how we respond in those moments — with reactivity or with understanding — is what builds trust, strengthens relationships, and shapes outcomes for everyone involved.
If we can bring this mindset into both leadership and dementia care,
we don’t just improve performance or behaviour…
we honour the human being in front of us.